i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
