If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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