I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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