YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
