clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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