i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
