I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
