Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
