After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
