So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just had sex on a roof
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize