Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
