I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?