After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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