God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway