I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her