oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
