I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
