You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
