so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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