Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
