somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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