Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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