So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
