New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have fence marks all over my body
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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