just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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