i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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