There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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