Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
