NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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