I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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