we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
