You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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