So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
