it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
