I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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