her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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