shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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