I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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