Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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