Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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