I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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