If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
