You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
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I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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