shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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