I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
