i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
