I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
