dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
