Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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