marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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