you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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