did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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