Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
