this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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