I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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