I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
