Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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