kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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