You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
